Awkward / Confessions

Awkward Confessions: It’s Not The Size That Matters, But How You USE IT!

I had a friend in high school whose mom was the epitome of Barbie-if Barbie was an alcoholic; a bubbly blonde, never a stray hair out of place, always perfectly dressed topped off with huge (FAKE) boobs. She was forever holding a drink of sorts that we knew contained vodka but which she would vehemently deny. One day when I was over studying, my friend’s 7 year-old brother and a playmate started calling each other names, a shouting match that escalated until one of them said to the other, “WELL you have a SMALL PENIS!” Instantly Barbie entered the room, swaying with a cocktail in her hand, and chastisted, “Now boys boys boys…(slurring slightly) it’s NOT the size that matters, it’s how you USE IT!” And with that, she kissed my friend’s brother on the head and left the room as quickly as she had entered. While I nearly peed myself laughing, my friend turned bright red and refused to ever talk about it. I should also state that Barbie is now currently on at least her 4th or 5th marriage. I’m sure she knows how to “use it” quite well.

-TMI

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